Be Kind, Not Nice: Embracing Authenticity Over Politeness
- Morgan Winfrey
- Feb 19
- 7 min read

Disclaimer: I share these thoughts from a Christian perspective, believing that true kindness reflects both biblical principles and genuine concern for others. If you don’t share this faith, feel free to glean from the universal aspects of kindness versus niceness. My hope is to spark greater sincerity in how we treat each other—both in life and business.
Why “Nice” Isn’t Enough
Have you ever heard someone say, “You’re such a nice person!” and felt a subtle dissonance, as if “nice” didn’t quite capture who you are or what you did? Many of us use “nice” casually, thinking it’s a compliment. Yet there’s a critical difference between “nice” and “kind.” Niceness often lacks depth, emerging when we want to maintain appearances or avoid friction. Kindness, on the other hand, springs from a genuine care that can be both gentle and firm.
Think of “niceness” as surface-level politeness. It can manifest in fake smiles, flattering words, or forced politeness that ends the moment we’re out of someone’s earshot. Niceness is transactional: you’re “nice” because it’s socially expected, or you need something—like a boss’s approval or a client’s good review. In contrast, kindness anchors in empathy and sincerity. It might lead you to say a hard truth for someone’s benefit, even at the risk of them disliking you temporarily.
Biblically, Jesus exemplified kindness but wasn’t “nice” in the sense of tiptoeing around issues. He rebuked Pharisees and cleared the Temple, demonstrating that kindness can be fierce, truthful, and protective. He didn’t rely on shallow courtesies to keep everyone comfortable; He acted from a place of love, which sometimes looked confrontational but was always aimed at people’s best interests.
In everyday business, this distinction shows up in how employees or team members act. If they’re purely “nice,” they may sugarcoat feedback or pretend to agree with you just to keep the peace. But real kindness might involve respectfully pointing out a flaw in the plan because they care about your success. Similarly, customers notice if you’re being “nice” to land a sale versus showing honest concern for their needs. Over time, the difference in authenticity becomes glaring.
Ultimately, labeling people as “nice” doesn’t carry the substantial weight many assume it does. “Kind” suggests depth, character, and a willingness to help beyond mere social norms. Especially as entrepreneurs, we should aim for kindness that stands the test of adversity, rather than niceness that fades when there’s nothing to gain. This approach aligns both with moral integrity and with practical benefits: people trust and return to leaders who demonstrate consistent, heartfelt kindness.
The Hollow Nature of “Nice”
When we describe someone as “nice,” we often mean they’re courteous, possibly easy to get along with. Yet niceness can be hollow if it’s just a mask for personal gain or social convenience. Think of a coworker who always smiles but never lifts a finger to assist when times get tough, or the salesperson who showers you with compliments yet ghosts you once the deal is done. Their niceness is purely transactional—once the benefit is achieved, the charm vanishes.
Society often rewards “niceness” because it’s conflict-averse. People who avoid rocking the boat get labeled as “good team players.” However, conflict isn’t inherently bad; it’s sometimes necessary for growth. A “nice” leader might ignore unhealthy team dynamics to preserve superficial harmony, but a kind leader addresses issues head-on with empathy. They care enough to confront problems, even if it temporarily disrupts comfort.
Scripture warns against lip service without genuine action (1 John 3:18). Niceness can become just that—words without weight. Imagine telling someone, “Your concerns matter to me, but…” and then dismissing everything they said. You appear polite at first, but your follow-through betrays your real attitude. This fosters distrust and cynicism, especially in work or ministry settings, where authenticity should be the hallmark of leadership.
Another downside of niceness is that it often lacks a backbone. It aims to be liked rather than be honest. In a business context, you might avoid giving a client critical but necessary feedback because you fear offending them. Sure, you stay “nice,” but the client misses out on real improvement, and your expertise remains undervalued. True kindness, however, might involve stating a hard truth to genuinely help, trusting that your sincerity will be respected, even if it’s not immediately applauded.
In short, niceness becomes a shallow performance when it sidesteps moral courage. It protects your image but does little to transform or uplift others. Without a willingness to inconvenience yourself or risk conflict, niceness becomes little more than disguised selfishness—serving your peace of mind instead of genuinely serving people.
The Power of Kindness
Kindness, in contrast, has depth. It’s the willingness to step into discomfort for another person’s growth or relief. It’s the small acts of empathy—remembering someone’s struggle and checking in, offering a helping hand without expecting recognition, or giving constructive criticism that might sting initially but ultimately assists them. Kindness holds onto truth and compassion simultaneously.
From a faith angle, kindness echoes Christ’s love. He didn’t shy away from telling people what they needed to hear—like the woman at the well (John 4) or Zacchaeus (Luke 19)—yet He did so with empathy, aiming to liberate them, not condemn. This posture challenges us to consider our daily interactions: Are we content with offering empty compliments, or do we dare to engage more deeply, risking short-term unpopularity for a genuine, uplifting long-term outcome?
In business, kindness can manifest in how you handle employee mistakes, client dissatisfaction, or collaborative efforts. A kind approach addresses problems, not by brushing them under the rug, but by guiding and supporting the individuals involved. It’s about building a culture of transparency and growth rather than blame or superficial niceties. Clients sense it too—knowing you’re not just buttering them up but genuinely invested in their success or well-being.
Moreover, kindness fosters resilience. Niceness can collapse under pressure, turning into passive-aggressive comments or abrupt withdraws of support. Kindness, rooted in real care, weathers conflict by seeking resolution. It listens actively, acknowledges pain points, and strives for solutions. This ethic builds enduring loyalty and trust—assets more valuable than any fleeting “nice” impression you might leave.
Finally, kindness extends to yourself. If you’re only “nice” to yourself, you might sugarcoat failures or deny accountability. True kindness means practicing self-compassion without excusing irresponsibility. You confront personal shortcomings honestly, offering yourself grace and room to improve. This healthy self-leadership sets the tone for how you lead and serve others, reflecting consistency from the inside out.
Kindness in Leadership and Entrepreneurship
In leadership, whether as a CEO, pastor, teacher, or coach, kindness reigns where niceness falls short. People aren’t searching for a figurehead with a fake smile; they long for leaders who value their dignity and speak truth. A “nice” boss might avoid tough feedback, letting performance issues spiral until they become irreparable. A kind boss steps in early, invests in coaching, and works to solve the underlying problem.
Entrepreneurs often face the choice between simply pleasing customers versus truly serving them. A “nice” entrepreneur might offer endless discounts to keep clients happy short-term, but a kind entrepreneur sets fair prices reflecting genuine value—ensuring sustainability for both the business and the clientele. Kindness also drives you to perfect your craft, considering the real impact on those you serve. “Nice” might give half-baked solutions so no one feels uncomfortable, but “kind” ensures quality.
Likewise, building a team around kindness can transform your workplace culture. Niceness might lead to superficial compliments in the office—everyone says polite things but harbors hidden resentments. Kindness instead encourages direct, empathetic communication that fosters genuine bonds. Team members feel safe voicing ideas or concerns because they know leaders truly care for their well-being, not just their output.
Spiritually, a kind leader mirrors Jesus’ example of washing disciples’ feet, signifying humility rather than a hunger for adoration. This lens prevents us from chasing illusions of celebrity leadership. Instead, we focus on how each decision or statement uplifts people—truly loving our neighbor through our work. Such an approach isn’t naive or weak; it’s radical, forging bonds that shallow niceness can’t replicate.
Ultimately, bridging kindness into your leadership style yields long-term loyalty and respect. Clients and employees trust you more deeply, opening the door for collaborative growth. While niceness might get you a polite nod, kindness earns enduring relationships. It’s a difference that permeates not just daily operations but the legacy you leave behind—one of authentic care, not forced pleasantries.
Be Kind, Not Nice: Choosing Kindness Over Niceness
If you’ve ever found yourself retorting, “I’m not nice, I’m kind,” you’re on to something. Niceness might keep up appearances, but it offers no real depth or transformation. It’s often an act to gain approval, avoid conflict, or maintain superficial harmony. Meanwhile, kindness digs deeper. It’s rooted in empathy, honesty, and often involves a willingness to confront difficult truths because you truly care about the other person’s growth.
This is why we feel such relief when someone drops pretense and speaks kindly yet frankly. Their words might sting initially, but we sense they come from a place of concern rather than condemnation. That’s the hallmark of kindness: compassion married to integrity. And for those who follow biblical teachings, this lines up perfectly with “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), a practice that fosters real change.
In day-to-day life, letting go of niceness for kindness might mean telling a friend, “I’m worried about your choices; they’re self-destructive,” instead of smiling and saying, “You’re doing great!” when you know they’re spiraling. Or it could mean stating your boundaries, even if it disappoints someone in the short term. Kindness invests in genuine well-being, whereas niceness fixates on immediate comfort or acceptance.
Similarly, in entrepreneurial or professional contexts, kindness might lead you to say “No” to certain clients if you can’t serve them effectively or ethically. “Niceness” might pressure you to accept every job or remain silent about concerns. But in the long run, a kind approach—speaking with candor and committing to real value—builds a reputation that surpasses what fleeting niceties can achieve.
So, as you reflect on whether you’re “nice” or “kind,” consider the ultimate impact of your words and actions. Are you seeking to spare feelings at the expense of truth, or are you willing to engage with compassion and honesty? Embracing kindness might mean more challenging conversations, but it also leads to relationships rooted in trust. While niceness is skin-deep, kindness shapes hearts and outcomes for the better.
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